12/13/09
Someone sent me a message
through FB and asked me the following questions:
(Note: grammatical errors have been corrected from original message)
*Do you not think of homosexuality as a sin?
*Why or why not and if so what do you think justifies it or makes it alright with God?
I wanted to share my response to her. By the way, she was in no way judging me; she truly wanted understanding, which I appreciate.
My response:
_________, I'm trying to think of a way to answer this without it becoming a book. The journey has been long....and painful.....and I will probably write about it one day. It's hard for me to answer your first question, b/c I don't think any one of us will really know until God audibly tells us.
What HAS transitioned in my way of thinking, however, is taking every word of the bible literally. People in church say they do all the time--but they don't. If they did, most of us would have one eye (an eye for an eye); one hand (cut it off if they steal), etc., etc. Times change, people change. I believe much of the bible was written for that particular era. Much of it doesn't apply today (slavey being a prime example). The commandment I have chosen to follow are the Ten Commandments and the two commandments that Jesus gave. I believe I live my life by these.
If everyone followed every rule and doctrine in the Bible, they wouldn't eat pork, wear two kinds of materials in their clothing, and so many other things that were considered an abomination during that time. Whenever I bring that up, I never get a response from people that condemn homosexuality---that they do things that are also listed as abominations several scriptures above and below the one mentioned on homosexuality.
________, all I know is that I've been attracted to girls since I was little, but I was taught that it was nasty, gross, perverted to be that way; which in turn created self-hatred. I mean if you think about it---what person WANTS to be ridiculded, rejected, beat up, hurt, etc. by those that are closest to them. That's why suicide is so high in the LGBT community -- b/c people would rather die than continue to live a lie as a heterosexual. I've gone to pastors with my struggle. I have been prayed for, anointed, demons cast out, etc., but the feeling never left me, which made me feel even worse.
I didn't MAKE myself attracted to women. I just was. I tried many heterosexual relationships; was even engaged twice, but they never worked, b/c it wasn't what I wanted. I dated men to please others, to gain my family's acceptance, but I was so unhappy, some times I couldn't breathe.
I suffered from major depression most of my teenage and young adult life....and one of the reasons was because I felt trapped...forced to be something I wasn't. When I made the decision to come out this year, I had reached a point of desperation. I was 41 years old and I had lived most of my life as a lie. My closest friends knew that I was gay, but that was it. I knew how the church and the Winston-Salem area felt about homosexuals, but I couldn't stay quiet anymore.
One day I just sent a text to my family and friends and even some coworkers and told him I was gay. Some totally cut me off, condemned me to hell, etc. But _______, the freedom I felt...I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
Then something wonderful started happening. In Winston, I felt so alone, b/c many in the African-American community are 100% underground with their sexuality. You would be VERY surprised as to who's gay in this area. :) But I didn't come out to go underground, but I actually felt very alone, like I had no support system. I don't know if you remember _______from ___________but she and I connected on FB about a year ago, and she told me that she was gay, and she and her partner had adopted two little boys. I hadn't come out yet. Then when we added each other as friends on FB, I would look at her pictures and see how happy she was, something I had never seen with her.
I started looking at how big the LGBT community was in the ATL area and I started friending people from her page. _______, I connected with some of the most awesome people in my community. Many people may disagree, but I know that these were divine connections b/c God knew I needed to be embraced during this transition.
I went to the Audre Lorde Leadership Institute in July, not knowing ANYONE--I was invited by someone I met on FB and it was one of the best decisions I could have ever made. When I would go to the seminars, I was overwhelmed by being in a room with some of the most awesome Black and White lesbians from all over the country--that weren't ashamed of who they were; that had stories similar to mine, but were living their lives. Many were married, had children; some were in politics, the medical field, the ministry, etc. Mary Anne Adams, the person I originally connected with, actually has an award named after her. It was the first time I had been around lesbian sisters that were affluent....and before I left for NC, something came alive in me.
I went back for Black Gay pride (again by myself) and became even more empowered, especially after hearing Bishop Yvette Flunder and talking to her. I realized that it was time for me to accept who I was and realize that God loves me and accepts me.....AS A HOMOSEXUAL.
Some of the gay Christians I have met are some of the most amazing people. THEN, I met my sweetie.....Cynthia. It was like as soon as I made the decision to come out, everything started unfolding for me. My life started coming together. Cynthia has been a God-send. I feel as though she was made for me, and she feels the same way. Our journeys are similar and I've never been happier.
There are so many people in our churches that are struggling with their homosexuality and spirituality. I know of one young man that later confessed he was ready to kill himself because of it, but he is learning self-acceptance. Look how the church world has crucified Tonex since he came out. I love him for his boldness. He knew the price he would pay, but sometimes you have to pay it to be free. So, all I know is, I love God with all my heart. He is the center of my life. I follow HIS commandments and the commandments of love from Jesus. The bible is a wonderful guide and MUCH of it is divinely inspired, but many of the laws and doctrines today's church lives by were man made from the Levitical era.
So I have chosen to live my life as an open, African-American lesbian, who is a believer but not a "traditional" Christian. I following the teachings of God and of Christ, and I pray that God is pleased with my life and I will be welcomed with open arms in eternity.
I also failed to mention that so much scientific research has been done with homosexuals, _________, especially those in the transgender community, and it shows that may in the LGBT community have a higher level of testerone for women and estrogen for men. That's not something we as human beings can control, but we are condemned for it.
So, I hope this has answered your question. I have, in no way, been offended.
(Note: grammatical errors have been corrected from original message)
*Do you not think of homosexuality as a sin?
*Why or why not and if so what do you think justifies it or makes it alright with God?
I wanted to share my response to her. By the way, she was in no way judging me; she truly wanted understanding, which I appreciate.
My response:
_________, I'm trying to think of a way to answer this without it becoming a book. The journey has been long....and painful.....and I will probably write about it one day. It's hard for me to answer your first question, b/c I don't think any one of us will really know until God audibly tells us.
What HAS transitioned in my way of thinking, however, is taking every word of the bible literally. People in church say they do all the time--but they don't. If they did, most of us would have one eye (an eye for an eye); one hand (cut it off if they steal), etc., etc. Times change, people change. I believe much of the bible was written for that particular era. Much of it doesn't apply today (slavey being a prime example). The commandment I have chosen to follow are the Ten Commandments and the two commandments that Jesus gave. I believe I live my life by these.
If everyone followed every rule and doctrine in the Bible, they wouldn't eat pork, wear two kinds of materials in their clothing, and so many other things that were considered an abomination during that time. Whenever I bring that up, I never get a response from people that condemn homosexuality---that they do things that are also listed as abominations several scriptures above and below the one mentioned on homosexuality.
________, all I know is that I've been attracted to girls since I was little, but I was taught that it was nasty, gross, perverted to be that way; which in turn created self-hatred. I mean if you think about it---what person WANTS to be ridiculded, rejected, beat up, hurt, etc. by those that are closest to them. That's why suicide is so high in the LGBT community -- b/c people would rather die than continue to live a lie as a heterosexual. I've gone to pastors with my struggle. I have been prayed for, anointed, demons cast out, etc., but the feeling never left me, which made me feel even worse.
I didn't MAKE myself attracted to women. I just was. I tried many heterosexual relationships; was even engaged twice, but they never worked, b/c it wasn't what I wanted. I dated men to please others, to gain my family's acceptance, but I was so unhappy, some times I couldn't breathe.
I suffered from major depression most of my teenage and young adult life....and one of the reasons was because I felt trapped...forced to be something I wasn't. When I made the decision to come out this year, I had reached a point of desperation. I was 41 years old and I had lived most of my life as a lie. My closest friends knew that I was gay, but that was it. I knew how the church and the Winston-Salem area felt about homosexuals, but I couldn't stay quiet anymore.
One day I just sent a text to my family and friends and even some coworkers and told him I was gay. Some totally cut me off, condemned me to hell, etc. But _______, the freedom I felt...I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
Then something wonderful started happening. In Winston, I felt so alone, b/c many in the African-American community are 100% underground with their sexuality. You would be VERY surprised as to who's gay in this area. :) But I didn't come out to go underground, but I actually felt very alone, like I had no support system. I don't know if you remember _______from ___________but she and I connected on FB about a year ago, and she told me that she was gay, and she and her partner had adopted two little boys. I hadn't come out yet. Then when we added each other as friends on FB, I would look at her pictures and see how happy she was, something I had never seen with her.
I started looking at how big the LGBT community was in the ATL area and I started friending people from her page. _______, I connected with some of the most awesome people in my community. Many people may disagree, but I know that these were divine connections b/c God knew I needed to be embraced during this transition.
I went to the Audre Lorde Leadership Institute in July, not knowing ANYONE--I was invited by someone I met on FB and it was one of the best decisions I could have ever made. When I would go to the seminars, I was overwhelmed by being in a room with some of the most awesome Black and White lesbians from all over the country--that weren't ashamed of who they were; that had stories similar to mine, but were living their lives. Many were married, had children; some were in politics, the medical field, the ministry, etc. Mary Anne Adams, the person I originally connected with, actually has an award named after her. It was the first time I had been around lesbian sisters that were affluent....and before I left for NC, something came alive in me.
I went back for Black Gay pride (again by myself) and became even more empowered, especially after hearing Bishop Yvette Flunder and talking to her. I realized that it was time for me to accept who I was and realize that God loves me and accepts me.....AS A HOMOSEXUAL.
Some of the gay Christians I have met are some of the most amazing people. THEN, I met my sweetie.....Cynthia. It was like as soon as I made the decision to come out, everything started unfolding for me. My life started coming together. Cynthia has been a God-send. I feel as though she was made for me, and she feels the same way. Our journeys are similar and I've never been happier.
There are so many people in our churches that are struggling with their homosexuality and spirituality. I know of one young man that later confessed he was ready to kill himself because of it, but he is learning self-acceptance. Look how the church world has crucified Tonex since he came out. I love him for his boldness. He knew the price he would pay, but sometimes you have to pay it to be free. So, all I know is, I love God with all my heart. He is the center of my life. I follow HIS commandments and the commandments of love from Jesus. The bible is a wonderful guide and MUCH of it is divinely inspired, but many of the laws and doctrines today's church lives by were man made from the Levitical era.
So I have chosen to live my life as an open, African-American lesbian, who is a believer but not a "traditional" Christian. I following the teachings of God and of Christ, and I pray that God is pleased with my life and I will be welcomed with open arms in eternity.
I also failed to mention that so much scientific research has been done with homosexuals, _________, especially those in the transgender community, and it shows that may in the LGBT community have a higher level of testerone for women and estrogen for men. That's not something we as human beings can control, but we are condemned for it.
So, I hope this has answered your question. I have, in no way, been offended.
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